Well the Chips Looked Nice.... Definitely not a wind of change...

Let’s just say I have not written a blog about food in some time, for a reason: I have not been disappointed lately, as I have not eaten out for some time.

Well last night the missus and myself decided to head out for a nice dinner, prior to me departing on a small business based road trip.

We ended up having a dining experience at Sirocco, as we have generally always had decent food there, and the menu generally has something exciting to offer. I ordered the Mussels in a white wine and garlic sauce with garlic crouton, my wife going for the Calamari with rice… We sat outside on the top deck, still an imagining view and an awesome place to have a dining experience… However the experience turned sour very quickly. My wife’s calamari was rubbery and ice cold, the rice undercooked and the seasoning not stirred through… just a big clump of spices in the middle. My mussels were not too bad, nice and fresh I must say, however the sauce tasted more like reduced cream with what tasted almost like parmesan, no hint of garlic or wine… It was rather enjoyable, up to the point where I found a curly black hair in the food…. 

About 10 minutes after our starter plates were taken back to the kitchen, and we were expecting our main course, did a manager come see us and ask if we would like different or new starters…? I mean surely our mains must be almost ready? Her attitude was a little too relaxed for me, her reply to our disappointment, “I’m sorry, neh”

It took the waiter 3 attempts to get our cutlery right for the main course, first bringing my wife a new knife and fork, the second time to take my dirty knife off the napkin and place it on a side plate with a fork, and then the third to get my wife a new knife as hers looked like it had been used as a screw driver in the kitchen… Never mind the 3 times I had to get up to get a new ashtray, as the waiter kept taking it away while we were smoking, I mean it’s really not that hard to give good service is it? Maybe the waiter was a little swamped as the restaurant was really busy… I wonder how the other 4 tables service was????

For mains I had decided on the half peri peri chicken with stir fry veg and chips, my wife on the sirloin steak, aged to perfection, with the same veg, and paprika and garlic roast potatoes…Well, well, well, where do I begin? Let’s start with mine: The chicken firstly was not Peri Peri, more like a bit of chilli flakes in oil basted on the bird… Zero flavour, zero seasoning.. I felt that it tasted as though it was par cooked a week ago, and then possibly frozen and then re heated for service, it was a dry as the namib dessert… the so called stir fry veg was merely just blanched veg put on a plate, no seasoning, oil, butter… nothing….Just boring veg, A packet of Mc Cains frozen mixed beg would have been better… The chips although looked great, were soggy on the bottom from the water from the veg… YUMMY, mash potato chips!! My wife’s sirloin was nice and thick, on the one side that is…It looked like it had been portioned with a butter knife, and inch thick on the one side and a centimetre at best on the other side, so how does one cook this to medium-rare? One doesn’t, the one half is well done and the other bordering medium rare… and according to the menu this is a well aged piece of meat, well it was as tough as old leather, and as tasteless as a well, cheap supermarket beef… definitely nowhere near a week off the bone… The so called roast potatoes were deep fat fried and chewy… now firstly this is not how roast potatoes are cooked, and what would worry me more is that if they are seasoned with paprika and garlic I would hate to know what the oil in the chip fry would look like, perhaps that explains the seasoning on my chips??? and secondly I would hate to have an allergy to garlic and have something else that was cooked in the vicinity of that oil, it could kill a person...

All in all I would say it was one of the worst meals of my life and would not recommend it to anyone I like... The one thing that really got to me was the menu selection, every time I have been there the menu offers a nice selection and variety of choice, I felt like I must have paged through the menu about a dozen times in the hope that I had missed some pages, but alas not. We were told by the manager that the menu had been reduced to accommodate the season that had just passed. Now this is the thing that really grates my carrot about restaurants and establishments in general, in and about Knysna. They all go to the hills to please and satisfy holiday makers in season and do all these wonderful special events, specials etc..., but then come out of season you get the feeling that they just don’t care, but then will bitch that you don’t support them. Like the one local spot that offers a great sushi special that locals love, yet can’t have it in season… it has the feel that they say ^&*( you we don’t care in season, but in hard times please help us… what are they actually doing for us? Standards and consistency are the key element to running a successful restaurant, yet I still have yet to see some anywhere in Knysna. Except perhaps up one or 2 hills...

I challenge any restaurant with a chef at the helm of the kitchen to cook me a decent meal. If it is edible and slightly pleasing Ill pay for it, if not it’s on you...

After being schmoozed by the manager and offered a complimentary bottle of wine and a free dessert, which we regretfully declined, we paid our bill, in full, and headed to Pezula for a decadent dessert that was everything and more to write home about…Z cafe, you are next on my review board, and feel confident that you wont disappoint...

Clearly what was once a great dining experience is now nothing more than a family diner...

Now a day shy of a week later I still have not heard from the GM... Great follow up feed back and customer service....

Sincerely, The lazy Chef

LEMON-cello- A bittersweet Experience

Let me start on a positive note... The side order of veg was fantastic! Enough said let’s get to what’s important. And there is alot of it...

Where to begin, oh my and there is an abundance to say... firstly, putting an ‘e’ at the end of ‘restaurant, and turning into ‘ristorante’ DOES NOT make it Italian... not at all.. Secondly when you ask who the chef is and you are told about the last chef and that you currently don’t have one is even more reassuring.. Then you sit down and gander over the menu and 2 things catch your eye as being interesting, however none of which are Italian, and then get told they are the only 2 things out of stock just makes it even better...

So I have not written about a meal in a while and for good reason, I am a proud father to a little boy... so I have not eaten out in a while, so the food has been good, because I have cooked it... this does not mean there are no good restaurants around in this small town... however it is disturbing when you finally do go out and it,  is a real nightmare to decide on where to go, based on the fact that in a town with more restaurants than streets, there is still nowhere really good to go to..

So we decided to eat a local tourist orientated ‘Italian’ spot down near the water. A perfect setting for our first night out without the little one. After ordering a glass of wine it was time to have a look at the food on offer. My first thought was, all meals offered with potato wedges or aromatic yellow rice. Very, very Italian i must say. After being told what we wanted was out of stock, i decided on the rib eye steak, and my wife on the veal picatta.

While waiting for the food I decided to ponder the decor of the place... Especially as they advertise themselves as an Italian Ristorante, this should assume itself to be a quaint setting... rather disappointingly there was not much pleasing about the place. Dull and dark. So dark we could barely read the menu as the lights were not even on. 

The food arrived and smelled terrific. That was about all. I ordered the rib eye medium rare, it arrived near well done.  My wife’s veal, as advertised said it was sautéed in lemon and white wine. Experience has taught me that veal is a delicate and subtle flavour and that the seasonings should be light and delicate. But a wagon full of lemons on a sliver of meat is unacceptable. It’s as if the veal was almost off they had to smother it with acid to hide the taste. Pleasantly our waitress offered to have a new steak cooked and a new dish ordered for my wife. We accepted and she ordered the chicken parmiggiana.

Was it any better. Not really. There is no way any chef in the world can cook a steak properly if one side is and inch thick and the other a quarter of a centimetre. And there was no sauce on it, unlike the first botched attempt, which was smothered in sauce.  My wife’s chicken was tasteless and was clearly cooked with the cheapest low grade frozen chicken breasts by the bag quality foul. What’s more no parmesan on the chicken, kinda defeats the name I think.  And the rib eye, not rib eye, in fact it was rump steak. Classy.  Especially because rib eye steak does not have a quarter inch of fat on the outside...

Ok what’s next? The menu lets dissect that... charcoal grilled fillet of beef, what is there a braai out back that no one knows about? I have worked in many kitchens and to have charcoal burning all day would be a nightmare to the food cost, never mind a health and safety hazard to a kitchen having live fire on the go. Be real and call it a grilled fillet of beef.  Then there is the option of having simply prawns.. That range from over a hundred rand to over 400 rand... that must be a hell of alot of prawns if they are simply done... but no they are not even 20... I can simply cook 24 of the same size for less than a hundred rand at home... who are you kidding?

Normally in a restaurant when you have an issue, the waitress coveys the patrons thoughts to the manager on duty and they will try and condole you with a free drink or what not to make up for the disappointment or wait or whatever the case, not in this case. There was a woman inside who looked as though she could possibly be a manager. but clearly not. She looked to frightened to take a step out the door of the kitchen the entire evening.

Ok so let’s sum this up. No management, no Italian music, no Italian ambiance, no good food, no Italian food, no Italian wine, no real Italian dishes on the menu... yet it’s an Italian Ristorante. I’m sorry I can getter a better Italian meal prepacked at Woolworths for half the price and far better.

However the service was actually good. This may be because we were the only people there when we arrived...you choose...

The Lazy Chef, Knysna

Heritage Day aka Braai Day

Why do we as South Africans love our braai? Is it the smell of the fat dripping off the coals wafting away and tempting the stomach? Or the spirit of a bunch of good mates, getting together to catch up and talk shit with each other over a cold one?

The braai has always been a sacred South African tradition. Remember watching those Castle Lager adverts on TV with Toto singing in the background. It makes you feel proud to come from the biltong and beer living nation.

As far back as I can remember my old man has always been a braai fanatic. I mean he has just built another braai at home. My old lady is going crazy, but she knows how he loves it so much, so she tolerates it. There is nothing better than kicking back with my pops, cracking a cold beer and chilling in the braai area on a Sunday afternoon with the Grand Prix, and hopefully a win for Ferrari.

So what constitutes a traditional braai? Is it the potato salad, the right wors, or is it the manner in which marinate your meat? I think it is none of those, yet all of them at the same time. To me a braai is more than just how you prepare your food, and what salad you have with it. Its about the spirit, how you do it makes all the difference. Today I will be heading to the Knysna forest with some really good friends. Nothing fancy, a few coals, some gentle guitar, laughs and good food cooked well.

I hope you all enjoy you heritage.

The lazy Chef

Chopsticks, shrimp chips and fortune cookies

So my last dinner was at a local Chinese spot next to the movie house. Nothing fancy, no great expectations. I enjoy their food as its simple and you know what to expect. I was accompanied by some work associates for the evening after a late night in the ‘office’.

Te beer was nice and cold! The moment I arrive at any restaurant and the beer is warm I am automatically in a bad mood for the rest of the night. So alls well that starts well.

Starters consisted of some shrimp chips, spring onion pancakes and chicken spring rolls. Basic run of the mill every restaurant Chinese starters. No complaints, all well prepared and rather quite tasty. I must say I rather enjoyed the spring onion pancakes dipped in a sweet and sour sauce. The comment from the table was ‘a take away portion of them would be great with a curry’.

Main course followed in a relaxed 2 part process. Schezuan Chili Chicken with noodles and Crispy Pork in Peking sauce with pan cakes and flied lice. It was excellent. All of it. The pancakes were for me the highlight. I love those lil things to no end and could have a stack of them with any oriental meal. The chicken was brilliant, a nice kick you in the back of the throat spicy! I feel t least one stage of any Chinese dinner should be HOT, you gotta clear the palette a bit and get the nasal passages working.

 The second part of the mains followed a sort while later, as requested. My favorite, Shanghai Steak, nice and crispy-steaming from the plate as it should be. It did not disappoint.

Overall I was rather pleased with the dinner. Sadly the place was quiet, and apart from one other table that left shortly after we arrived we were their only sit down table. However there take aways seem to be doing well. If you took all the patrons that came for a quick fix and put them all at tables, the place would have been full. Thankfully this did not happen as there was only one waitron on duty.

Now let’s get one ting clear right from the start. I have eaten in some pretty good Chinese places and this is not on par with them. However in the area I live in this place is by far the best. The atmosphere is quaint and the ching chong a long music is cool. The food is cooked by a Bruce Lee look alike and has flavor, but is not quiet the real deal you are looking for. But it does the job and I really like the place.

So Bow Tie next to the movie house for the best Chinese food in town. Agree?

What's so great about Rocket?

You tell me? Have you ever gone ‘I have a craving for rocket!!!!!’ ‘I can’t live without rocket!’ Didn’t think so- chocolate maybe, but not rocket.

Imagine a crisp pile of rocket, gently dressed in a light virgin olive and raspberry dressing, toasted pine nuts, a shaving of reggiano parmesan.. Perhaps a confit of duck leg or fresh scallops seared with a drizzle of lime beurre blanc..Ok we are getting there, but still nothing to keep you up at night dreaming.

So when the waiter from a local restaurant comes by each day selling toasted sandwiches and whatnot and he announces what’s on the selection today you have to question? Toasted cheese and tomato with rocket… o la la.. You wonder how much extra they are adding onto the price because of a few slimy bits of rocket. And in al honesty. 2 slices of government loaf, cheap cheese, tasteless tomato and the all wow full rocket, it really gets to me that a restaurant that claims to have chefs can put this together. My first point is, use some ice bread, put it on your grill man, give it some flavor, use a better cheese, and bugger the rocket, just add a crack of black pepper and save me having to floss after eating your inane sandwich!!!! And a snackwhich machine, I mean come on, this is supposed to be a 4/5 star restaurant for the garden route area, I mean even the local Wimpy can get it right for crying out loud.

Then comes the price, well in all honesty I can’t tell you, because to be accurate and truthful it seems to change every other day, perhaps the price of rocket goes up and down from day to day.. One day it’s R10, the next R14 and then maybe R15 the day after…. So how much small change does one need to be prepared with each day, enough to get ripped off I think

Sadly though today when they come past I will most likely buy one again, as there is no where else in the proximity of where I work offering anything else decent to eat… So alas as the Lazy Chef I must endure this pathetic attempt on cooking.

The Lazy Chef

Who is the Lazy Chef?

Well firstly I am the Lazy Chef, and that is all you really need to know.  I was a chef in South Africa for 8 odd years. A Slave and a Master to food, and all that comes with it. I know my stuff and can cook up a *&*(^ storm when needed. I no longer work in the industry but think I have found a career that is more inspiring and just as creative!

Basically this Blog is a piece of my mind about what I think of the restaurants I eat in. I am honest and will say if the service is terrible and the food is bad, and visa versa. If you are a restaurant owner, or work in a restaurant and I have or will blog about you, and you don't like what I have to say, sorry for you don't serve bad food or have crap service. And next point if you know who I am and I eat in your restaurant, don't treat me different, cause then you will really get taken out for preferential treatment.

Have a Nice Day

The Lazy Chef

The Best Burger in Knysna!!!

So the other day I was out with the Missus, cruising a sunny Saturday afternoon around the Lagoon.. The hunger set in and we decided we needed to find a spot to eat. The closest place around that seemed tempting was The Bell at Belvidere Manor. Sadly the weather started to turn, but it didn't turn two hungry stomachs away, My lady had the Steak Pie with mash and veg, myself the Bell Burger. To be honest i was not expecting much, as generally I have found that I have not been pleased with burgers in restaurants around Knysna. They are either bland and boring, overcooked or quickly defrosted lumps of grey that sink to the bottom of the bun...

To my surprise this towering delight of meat, smothered with bacon and carmelized onions arrived in front of me!! Such perfection..such anticipation for that first mouth-full.. hoping it would taste nearly half as good as it looked... and... IT WAS BETTER!!!

It reminded me of Marshalls burger monologue in How I Met Your Mother.. it was Inspiring..http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2008/09/marshalls-burger-monologue-how-i-met-your-mother.html

Lets say it was perfectly cooked for my taste, nice and rare, and crunchy on the outside.. good quality beef, with a delicate and balanced seasoning...The toppings, bacon and caramelised onions, some greena and some French fries on the side... To cut a long story short, and yes I can make a long story out of a burger, this was the best burger I have ever had in Knysna.

The Bell
Service 3 stars
Food 4 stars(burger 5 stars)
Setting 5 stars

The Lazy Chef